Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Whenever I start sinking in self pity because nothing seems to be right about my life, I start looking for some place to lay the blame. I am reading the memoir about the guy who was fired from the New York Times for plagiarism. He knows how to place blame. He was using drugs and alcohol, was psychotic and in a psych ward, he comes from a line of slaves, etc.... I'm frustrated because I can't do the same.
Many of the devotional books that we receive at work helps deal with these situations by blaming the devil and our lack of allowing God to rule our lives. I certainly can't grasp on to that and run with it can I.
I guess I am lucky that I am not a depressive person, because I would be taking up a fair share of the serotonin lifting drugs that are out there.
My way of dealing with things, and expressing myself, is by saying I am on a strange path, or a screwed up path without the correct directions.
I believe this, because ultimately, it is up to me to figure it all out. There is not an easy way to do this. Do to the polarized factors in my life, I will have to take a few hits before it is over. I think I will ultimately win, there is no other way to think. If you don't have hope, you don't have anything.


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