Sunday, November 27, 2005


I came home last night and it is right now exactly one week to the date I got the phone call that send us all into a spiral. My mom is doing ok. We really don't know how much damage she has suffered. Unbelievably, they do not do any kind of testing until one month after surgery to see what the outcome is. My mom is living with my sister now for a couple weeks. When I left there last night, we were thinking about taking her back in because she said she still had shoulder pain and of course, being in a constant state of panic, we don't have much common sense.
We called the doctor on call and said we thought mom might be having heart trouble, but he assured us it would be extremely doubtful for her to be having preheart surgery chest pain, as they had fixed the blockage. Of course they have to toss in, "but if you feel it is necessary to bring her in," just so if something really does happen it isn't there fault. This does not help overly anxious people make decisions. We decided to trust everything was fine and I made the trip back home.

I didn't sleep last night and spent the morning crying and being needy in the bedroom. Gretch has been really good this last week and I know I owe her big time for all she has done. She came back up north Friday morning in a blizzard to have our Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters house when my mom got out of the hospital. I quite honestly do not understand how my family does not pick up that we are more than just friends. It has to be the stress.

My poor sister is taking care of my mom and my other sister is not the most helpful person on earth. I feel bad that I am so far away. I really do not know what to do.
I will be up for Christmas, but my best friend and husband ate up some vacation days do to my time off. One of my big projects for work is starting this week at school and thankfully I had everything done ahead of time with all those long nights. I will have to work hard this week to do some catch up. The problem is I can't stop worrying and being in this family stress mode. Any other thoughts on what I need to do just makes me panic and start crying again. I just have to remember I spent twelve to fifteen hours a day in a hospital this past week on an emotional rollercoaster. Thanksgiving wasn't to bad. My poor ninety year old grandmother had her drivers license taken away this past month so we had to contend with getting her out of the house. My sister picked her up and we had Thanksgiving lunch in the cafeteria. The turkey was some of the best I ever had, as was the pumpkin pie. That night, my other sister came to the hospital and I went down with her to eat dinner. I did pick up some more turkey, but stuck to a salad mostly the second time around. I thought I would be depressed spending the holiday in the hospital, but there were other families do the very same thing with us. Hospital cafeteria food is very good now days, course I already knew that eating with Gretch and the baby every week.

So now it is time to pick up and getting moving again, one thing at a time.


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