Monday, July 25, 2005


Whenever I am on an extended vacation up north I always think back on the previous year and try to determine how my life is proceeding. I realized I had absolutely no idea last year at this time that I would not have the same job in the fall. It still surprises me. I have to be careful when I explain what happened to people. I did not lose my job, I was not fired. The powers that be wanted me to continue exactly what I was doing, but they did not want to pay my health insurance because they felt that I needed to take on more to be worthy of the insurance. Granted, a part of my job was ending, a crappy part at best, but regardless of how things all turned out, I did not lose my job. In my meeting I told them that I would in no uncertain terms continue, as is, without the insurance. They suggested that I could move to a higher position, but it would require many hours at church and quite obviously this was not an option.
I didn't even think about it for more than a minute while they explained the option. I did not need to place myself deeper into a situation that I was trying to get myself out of. The problem with the whole thing is that I regret not being able to take the position. Like I have mentioned before, we are of the mega variety and I would have been regarded quite highly in the position. I know how ridiculous that statement is, but don't we seek recognition, isn't it human nature. I did not do it, but it hurts.
It basically just sucks, if I can be so blatantly basic in my wording here.
To sum it up, in three short weeks, when everyone heads back for another year, I will not be there. Well, until that first Friday that is. I have to be there to give an inservice on how to use the library. How utterly pathetic. I have not even gave thought about how I will approach this. Do to their lack of understanding on the simple set up of Dewey, I will need to start at the beginning I will have there attention, I wonder what I could toss in. I remember quite well telling them all I wasn't as conservative as they were, I think I actually said I was quite liberal. hmmm.....

In any case, as I was sitting there beside the lake looking at the reflection of the sun on the water and wishing I could just sit there forever, I thought about the previous year and all I had endured and what I had left to get to. Most of the rest I will have to initiate myself. I dread the very thought of it. I still think that I am the very least of those able to handle the gay issue. I am not exactly sure what frightens me the most. Well, I think I might know, but would anyone else understand, I doubt it.

I miss the lake and the quiet moments of peace and serenity. How unfair it all seems that real life intrudes when we are content for a moment. I guess it is those moments that gets us through the rest.


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