Thursday, August 05, 2004

On Tuesday evening we went to dinner with 6 other people on the east side. I do not fit in on the east side. It has that modern thing going on and I still don't own that little black dress that seems to be the rage. We were quite the liberals sitting there chatting. I am not one to speak up about things, but the whole realm of moral issues was broached. It should have felt good to be among supporters, but as usual I did not feel like I fit in. G's mom was especially strong that evening. She is really into her Zen, and as recently attended some protests. Can't we just find a happy medium somewhere and live in peace. I really do not like socializing anymore cause I end up feeling strange and on the outside of everything. Worlds crashing.
One of the women had her mother pass away about a month ago. She doesn't believe in God at all, was not close to her mom, and has some guilt issues and issues of belief, feeling maybe she could get through this better if she had a faith to follow. Anyway, she had a dream the other night where her mom came to her right up to her face and told her not to cry, everything would be alright. She also found a mothers day card she had wrote to her mom long ago when she was closer to her. She feels maybe some sign has reached her from somewhere.
Now that is fine and all, but as I sat there I thought about how after my father died he never once again appeared in a dream of mine. He may be in the room, but I can't see him and it is like we are talking about him. It has been over five years since his death.
Will that happen when my mom dies. She won't even appear in my dreams. I try to rationalize that it is this womens mind working her way through the issue. I took enough psych to know that.
I am not sure what I am trying to get at.
In other issues of sameness that I am stuck in, the boss called me about a billing problem that continues to occur. It is like she doesn't remember conversations we have. When I asked about the completion of the move it was again like we never spoke. I am supposed to go in today and make a diagram. I can't picture how to make the rooms work and I specifically asked for help. UGH!
G is going in for a stress test today. No wonder I have total insomnia!!
The kids and I are going on a picnic at the park today. Only 3 days left with them next week.


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