Monday, June 26, 2006

On a Mountain Top

There is something about vacation that makes me evaluate life. Every year when I am up north camping, I will be looking out at the lake and come to the conclusion that there is more to life than working nonstop every day, taking directions from people I do not even like. I never really figure out how to take the thought and make a change.

There was no difference standing on top of Grouse Mountain in Vancouver. While looking down over the city and water below, I started thinking about the world and how there was so much more in life than my tiny little place of employement. I could move on and the world would not stop. Airplanes would still fly people all over the world, couples would still dine at fancy restaurants, and time would still tick as steady as ever.

Watching seaplanes take off from the harbor out our hotel window , I called G over and told her I thought I was done at school. I had already had a meeting with the boss a week previous to our vacation and told her I would continue. It was an extensive meeting covering the year in review and future goals and objectives. How was it that a week later I could come to such a different conclusion? G asked why now and I just said I thought it was time.

I am a very suspicious person. Living a double life will make a person that way.
I am always looking for, or listening for a problem that I know is coming eventually. I have been called paranoid along with many other negative terms, but it never prevents me from always being on guard waiting for the knock on the closet door.

A week previous to our trip G was talking with her sister on the phone. Numerous planning sessions have been taking place because G's friends from Spain will be arriving shortly. They will be here quite awhile and we have an extensive list of plans developed for the month of July. (gotta love those Europeans vacations)
Anyway, G's sister, who took off a week along with G to host these friends, was telling G about her new boyfriend of three weeks. She was excited that this may be "the one." (yeah whatever) She asked G if it were ok to cancel some plans with us because she would like to spend the weekend with her new boy due to his son's graduation coming up. Now, here is where my mind goes into overdrive.....
G mentions the date and time of the graduation and I tell her that the only place stupid enough to pick that day would be the one I work at. She rolled her eyes and dismissed my thoughts. We had a vacation to take and we were going to enjoy it!

So, there I was looking down on this beautiful mountain, or out at the boats and seaplanes in the harbor and I come to this peaceful decision. I was sick of worring about things that weren't really happening. Sick of making sure, over and over in my head. I wanted peace, needed it.

Vancouver was wonderfully refreshing. It is extremely different from other cities that I have visited. The weather was really bad. It rained the whole time and it was cold. G and I laugh about how we experienced three springs this year. New Orleans in mid March, at home in eary May, and in Vancouver in early June. We experienced blossoming flowers and trees in 3 different places in 4 months. Probably something that will never happen again for us.
We did all the touristy things and I had to spend time along while G was in class.
I loved the scenery, the yummy food, and the fact that we were in Canada. My favorite part was the library. They are so culturaly diverse. So many different sections devoted to different languages and cultures. I could have spent days in there.
I ended up flying home by myself and had a very good trip. It is the first time I felt relaxed and well in a long time. I am glad for the opportunity to get to a place that I probably would never have vistited had it not been for the trip.

To be continued.... My fears come true!


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