Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Connecting the Pieces

It isn't easy trying to fit the different parts of my life together. I don't want to lose my Christian upbringing, but on the other hand, I don't want to hold back the part of me that I can no longer deny.
I have been reading Plan B: further thoughts on faith, by Anne Lamott.
I honestly think I have found someone I relate too. I wish I could have a conversation with her, because I understand her point of view about the world, and the lessons we all need to learn. I encourage everyone to read at least her first chapter. I think a lot of us right now are very down about the state of our country and she helps to put things in perspective with a sense of humor. Her first chapter deals with a time when she was very depressed about the Bush presidency and she was ready to give up. One day she goes to the store and wins a ham which she never would consider eating, so she has to decide what she should do with it. When she gets to the parking lot she meets a friend in an unusual way and finds out the worth of the ham. Ultimately, she finds purpose for the day and life in general. This little chapter is like someone spoke to me and showed me a missing piece to a puzzle.

I haven't been attending church since my job ended, but that is for the best right now. Last year at work we spent numerous days on goals and objectives. We also had workshops that dealt with our own personal objectives. I think that If I can work something out, in which I can base my life, that includes all parts of my identity, I will feel better about letting go of some of the "rules" that I have been taught. This probably makes no sense, but it has been on my mind lately.

Insead of focusing on all bible verses, I will structure my life on those that are deemed most important, even by religious leaders. I know this will bother a lot of people, but quite frankly, I am really tired of all the picking and choosing of verses, of negative connotations, and the value judgments
from zealots who have zero compassion. I will chose to be positive and leave a positive mark in this world and have no regrets.

Greater love has no man than this, that a man that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Do to others what you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31

If I can focus on positive life objectives and use my talents of patience and compassion, I think I will be less likely to worry about what others find important. Maybe going back into the field of social work might be worth checking into. When I am through playing soccer mom that is.

The other thing on my mind has been the writing about my year of exploration. Lots of emotional baggage to get through. I know it is supposed to be good for you to write out your story, but maybe it is too soon. I think I would say that ten years from now also. I am avoiding J's story because it is not so fun to remember. Maybe I will wait on that one for awhile. Maybe I will have a glass of wine (cause one is about all it takes) and then write about it. Perhaps a late night confessional.
I dunno. In any case, Tracey is a fun subject, I can continue with her.

Further Thoughts on Faith Chapter 1


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