Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Ugh, my stomach. The up side is that I am at my lowest this morning weightwise. Unfortunately, I have been having terrible stomach problems. My sister was diagnosed with crohn's disease a few months back and I don't want to follow her path. I just know there are certain foods I can't tolerate and I need to not eat them. Salad, fruits, vegetables. See the problem here. Greasy french fries and hamburgers give me no problems at all. Most of my weight loss has been on a high carb diet. Rice dishes and pasta. I am not really sure I believe in that low carb hoopla. I am a huge believer in the portion control plan. Exercise has been a problem lately do to the weather. I have to build some muscle or I am not going to look so good even if I do get down to my ideal weight, which is still a more than a few pounds away.
On the radio this morning a women was talking about how we need to be accountable to someone or we will be terrible people. That is why we lie, cheat, steal, etc... First she talked about needing a boss who will look at your work, and then believe in God to feel guilt. What a bunch of crap. I pride myself on the fact that I am the only one who is not accountable to anyone for a checkbook that I hold for work. Fact is, there are thousands of dollars in the account and I could buy whatever and nobody would know. I have 10 years of purchases in a folder that not one person has ever checked. I'll credit my parents on a good upbringing, or maybe the fact that I have a good working conscience. God, sure I believe in god, but he feels very far away. He doesn't rain down consequences on people who do bad things. I don't know why this women got me so upset. I am a good person and I don't need anyone to keep me in check. I do lie, I will be the first to admit that, but I am working on that fault. I need to own up to things and believe me the guilt is tremendous sometimes. I feel like I let people down on both sides of my life. I guess I can cop out and say we are not all perfect. This just seems really huge sometimes.


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