Thursday, June 02, 2005

This has been a really hard week for various reasons. I am trying to work things out, but it hasn't been easy. It got to the point that I wanted to cry at one moment and then in the next call my mom and ask her to solve all my problems. I feel kind of broken.
I have many doctor appointments this month to get final checkups and to figure out meds that I can afford on my own. The only one I can't really mess with is the heart one, however, I don't think it is that expensive and it is the only one that is required. My heart basically races when I have too much caffeine, or at certain times of the month.
Anyway, I hate all these appointments, and I equally detest telling everyone I am losing my health insurance. I certainly won't expect sympathy from any of these doctors. I will be on my own. A person really needs to think before signing up with a religious organization.
Of course, that isn't really fair, I need to leave and prolonging it isn't going to help. I guess it would be better if it were of my own accord.

So, besides all that stress, I had an appointment at the bank to sign papers for overdraft protection today. When I went in and asked for the guy they proceeded to tell me he wasn't working. I actually said, " are you kidding me." I really am at the end of my rope, as that statement would be highly unusual coming from me. I asked when he would be working again and they really couldn't tell me for sure. I was very angry when I left.

I am also getting the run around at work with all my retirement benefits, date of last paycheck, and so on and so forth and so I really didn't need this. I want everything finalized so I can release some of the stress.

I had a ten dollar gift certificate for B&N which is next to the bank so I decided to take some me time and pick up Empire Falls which I have been meaning to read, but can't get at the library because the wait is so long. I was really frustrated and about crying while walking around inside the store. I was wandering somewhat aimlessly in the isles when someone approached me and asked if I was Ms.... This was so NOT the freakin time, but sure enough, a former student was in front of me which happens all the time.

His family consists of 5 children who left the school five years ago to be home schooled. The were extremely conservative and irrational about certain things. I was subjected to speeches by the mom for the inappropriate titles in the library. I would get numerous articles from her about various subjects. Recycling books really set her off because God will protect and we can't on our own hurt the Earth. I am serious here. Anyway, the kid filled me in on how he was going to a college for home schooled children which is fully accredited. I so have to look this up. He is going to join the government and so on..... His sister finished high school a year early and went to India with some mission group. He went on about all this positive stuff happening in their lives and it was so surreal. Her I am trying to pull myself together and I have to be subjected to this craziness. The worse part is, when he left I felt even worse. I began to wonder if I had everything wrong and perhaps these religious people were the ones who had it all together and were right.
Don't worry, that only lasted a minute.
I got through the conversation, picked up some new books that looked interesting and lost myself in the lives of others.
It's going to be like this for awhile. I just need to hang tight. I am losing a career and everything that goes with it.
I do know that I have had an affect on a lot of lives. I hope at some point this will be a positive and perhaps make a few people come to there senses.


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