I miss her, I miss her, I miss her,...........what the hell was I thinking???????

An Idea

Two weekends ago a lady came to do message for some guests. She was talking about an idea she had for writing a novel based on an event in the bible. I have been struggling with an idea that I can follow through with longer than a few days for my own story. I think by listening to her process of selection I came up with my own. I will have do lots of research, but I am thinking that is going to be the greatest part. I love to read about historical places and events and I think that is where I am headed.

This past weekend we had a group of moms on retreat. 25 kids between them. At night they went into the kitchen and raided the pantry for tea and popcorn. Like I told CJ, it wasn't about eating. It was about being with friends at night and giggling without any concern for anybody else. They had a blast. They loved my pancakes at brunch on Sunday....Imagine that!

We went for a drive this evening after walking in town for awhile. I absolutely love the mountains, fresh air, and little hints of spring popping up. It is so amazing to be experiencing this new life every day. I hope we are able to keep up with the bills and mortgage to keep this running.

Sunday Blahs

Lots of traffic the next few weeks in the guest house. Unfortunately, our long term resident popped in this weekend unexpectedly and that pretty much means I have to work around someone. We have all these times when we can use the washer/dryer, dishwashers, etc....to save money. She beat me this time.

Mornings like these are hard. It is Sunday, you just want to come down, start a load of laundry, read a paper over breakfast in your pj's and relax. sigh.. Next weekend we have a full house for a full retreat weekend. I will be up at 7 making pancakes, sausage, eggs, and other fun breakfast foods for a group of people. Same the weekend after. It all means money, which in turn means we stay in this gorgeous house and live the dream. Nothing is for free.

Personally, I really enjoy my new life, but I can't stop thinking about my old one. I am worried about my ex. She is suffering through some very difficult things. We are not speaking right now and that makes it hard to get any sense of what is happening. The therapist said this was the best for her. I have so much guilt, worry, and even horrible jealousy that would seem misplaced right about now, except for the fact that I was right about everything. I am happy she has someone during these next months. Even the French girl is coming to help her out soon. Friends like that are the best things that life has to offer. It makes up for the crap that life dumps sometimes.

Purpose

This weekend we have a group of ladies here who are having a high school reunion. Sadly, one of them has a brain tumor and they are coming together to support and encourage her.
Over the last year I have been contemplating just what it is that I am supposed to accomplish, what my purpose might be, and how I can be at peace. From this group of people I am learning that time is too short to spend pondering endlessly. I need to be at peace with something and quickly.

My past participles are weak. Every time I use one incorrectly I owe CJ a quarter. It is a Midwest thing and it is very hard to change. This winter a guest was sitting near the fireplace, and as I walked by I said, " Hey, how ya doing?" She answered with, " You aren't from around here are you?" One of my new message board friends who came to visit with her partner said that I sounded like someone straight out of the movie Fargo. I have never watched it, but I will have to get it. I feel self conscious about this and the fact that I am a lot less mature acting than the people around here. I am ten years younger than CJ and our permanent resident. They take everything so serious all the time. I spent 13 years in a school with children and then living 5 months out of the last year with my best friend's family..... 3 and a half kids. Give me a break people. I am happy that through all the trauma I haven't lost my sense of humor. When that goes I am giving up.

We are finally seeing some of the snow melt these days. When you drive down the mountain it is surprising to see the landscape a few weeks ahead of ours. We still have inches of snow, but a few bare patches are turning up around the house. This has been an endless winter, but I am proud that I have made it through without much complaint. Wisconsin has harsh winters, but nothing like this. Thankfully, because of the amount of snow this season, business has picked up with skiers. I guess this place hasn't had a whole lot of them in the past, but one of my new ideas was to pick up some of that population. We need to be careful, because a certain amount of respect needs to take place, as this is a retreat house, but I think we had a great group of people for the season. Now I need to get used to mud season.

Full Midlife Crisis

So I upended my whole life. The relationship, the job, the state.....

New relationship, new state, new job.......

New Religion

They pray a lot

What does it mean when your therapists asks a lot of questions about nuns?

......and this was my very first appointment alone.

If

If only I could go back in time. sigh....