I don't feel like putting this all down. Once you do it all becomes real. What the hell, it is real.

First, my computer is dead. The expensive adapter doesn't work because the prongs are broken inside the computer. So, my two year old laptop is dead. The computer is in excellent shape with little memory used because I don't download anything. I am going to see if I can send it in and get it fixed, but I am thinking it is going to be expensive and I do not have the money. any money, zero money. debt. unemployed from a religious organization that does not contribute to the unemployment system. .

As of March first part of my job is ending. Because of that I will drop below the hours I need for insurance. I can join up with the part of school that is taking over my job and work with them, but then I become part of the afterschool day care system. I did not get a Masters Degree to work in a child care program.

I will be paid through summer for my regualar work as a teacher, but I am not sure when they will cut the insurance. I am hoping they will consider August as a goodwill gesture. That way I can get go get all the yearly appointments before the end of it all. If it is June someone better tell me quick

G and I have been talking and planning and discussing nonstop. The best solution would be for us to get married and I would have health insurance. Since that won't happen until the first of never we need to come up with something else. I know the best thing would be a library job for one of the cities in the area. I am thinking I will ultimately end up doing that, but chances are not good because it has been 11 years since I graduated and I haven't taken one class since then. You have to take a written and oral exam for those positions and since all the reference and online sources change all the time, I am screwed. Optimal would be as a children's librarian because reference sources wouldn't be as necessary and I am very good at programing. I am also extremely up to date with childrens books.

Remember the 50's wife idea that seems to surface for some of us once in a while. I think that is looking better and better. This would be with a twist of course. I called up my best friend who is also a librarian (law) and for whom I watch three kids in the summer. We talked some things over and she seriously doesn't want to lose me in the summer. The boys would be devestated to have to go into daycare. As we were talking, I realized that she takes the boys to a before school program and pays for that. So, as of March 1st, I will go over to their house and get the boys up and make them breakfast and take them to school. This will let them sleep for an hour longer then usual and it is less of a hassle for the parents. I am not sure about the baby yet. It may be to much to get her to daycare and so they would still drop her off. I know this may sound strange, but I did live with them for six years and did this kind of thing all the time. We live close and it is on my way to work. This will replace some of the job I am losing March 1st. I am going to have to just take it and work daycare after school until the end of the school year because of my car payments.

The other idea that we have been tossing around is going to be hard for people to understand also. Especially G's family. They already think I don't make enough to be an equal in the relationship. I come from a different background than G. It was never about money growing up and it will never be. On must remember that we do not have kids and we miss that part of being a family. Although other peoples children can't replace having our own, it can feel a need that has been missing. So, I might just for the next year after summer vacation ends for the boys, continue on and have the baby with me during the day. I would start my day with the boys and getting them off to school and then having the baby during the day, and then getting the boys from school.
I would be making exactly one half of what I am now, BUT without the 400 dollar car payment.
I would have every Friday off, as my best freind does not work Fridays.
This is something that is still being considered because of the health insurance aspect. You know, none of the moms of the children at school work at all. They bother me all day because they don't have anything to do. Why should I feel quilty about this. I will be working ten hours 4 days a week. I will be cooking everynight and cleaning and shopping. I don't think this is bad for one year. That way the oldest boy will be coming out of 5th grade and will not have to go to daycare for the next two summers.
I don't know, it is just one year. why not. I will here why not. My mom is going to freak. She will have no idea how I am able to live. Maybe I will have to tell her.
So, this is a nutshell of what is going on.
I am sure there are many grammar, etc... problems with this entry, but I hagve to go.
I will hopefully get back online when G is not calculating and studying.