Thursday, May 30, 2002

I want to buy a house with a big backyard. That is my dream of the day. Unfortunately, I don't have money to even be in an apartment alone much less a house. What is wrong with this picture.
Sometimes I wish this job would figure me out and then I could leave. I should have the backbone to move on, they give me nothing, but tell me I will be roasting in hell for eternity. What the hell ever. One week left and than my hour long review. I am going to give them a thing or two to think about. I am damn sick of these opinions.
Come on JR...Pat, whatever, that is so noncommital of a name. You would have to be clueless. Do you think I am as bad as the person pursuing you now. That thought makes me very sad. I am frustrated that I couldn't make up for what I did. I am a good person really, we all have little screwups. I know, the lies, I am the master. Have to be. Those around me have taught me well.
I misused my lying though. G told me that my lying was ok for now because there was no other way to live right now. But, I lied to you in a deceitful manner and that scares me. I lied and not because of my life, I just lied and it was easy. I guess it is good I got caught. I will never lie like that again. I will only lie because of the reactions I know I will get do to my being a little left of center.
This somehow makes sense. It has too.


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