Friday, March 15, 2002

I have a spring break coming up. If I were to have money for a weeks vacation where would I go?
I want to go to the Boston area and make a stop around New York.

I also want to go to England. Something about that country pulls me into looking up details about it all the time.
I will admit, I was glued to the t.v. when Princes Diana died. I was enthralled in someone I had never given a thought about
before. weird

I will go visit my family. I really need time away from here. I need to visit my sisters and go down to the river and meditate on the way my life is going. I am so directionless. After the summer and now with this breakup I am trying to figure out just where it is I need to be headed. There has been so much negativity towards me from people.
I mean everything has been so against me that I am not sure what it is I am doing wrong. Maybe nothing. I think my fear is feed by the negativity.

I learned something about myself this past week. I have a problem with jealousy. One of my sisters has this trait and I think I have somehow picked it up. My brother-in-law got a phone call from an ex in Alaska. My sister gave him the message. It was in his stuff which was tossed out in the snow. He had no idea what was going on, but in her blind fury she had no control.
Ok, so the women did call their house 8 times in three hours. I mean that would toss anyone into wonder as to why someone would call that much unless it concerned an emergency.
So anyway, I am supposed to go with G to the museum tomorrow and then to a friends house for dinner and a play that the friends daughter is in. Fine, so G called to give me a time, but I was out of my room. Sooo.... I called back and it is heading into Friday night and there was no answer. I completely think it is about that person from last weekend. Worse, it could be the best friend who puts bad thoughts about me in everyones head.
We are trying this casual dating thing to remain friends. We are able to date others and not be concerned about our schedules anymore. I think I am being used until someone better comes along.
Is this just a convient way to get sex?
Oh, I better get off this.
We are family, I got all my sisters in me.


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